Life Lessons

Losing it all: Storytime Part One

3 min readFeb 28


My constant reality of failure to eventually gain.

Photo by Janko Ferlic/

With the best intentions, there are sometimes when some goals aren’t reached and tasks are not accomplished. So what do you do when you have tried to reach an unspeakable limit?

Other mess people would say to another who tries to make others think they have it all together. Just keep going. Act like you want it. You have no excuse.

I’m sure there are more insensitive things that are said to someone who is struggling, but I won’t even go down that shitshow road.

My world

There have been so many times when I have stressed about losing. Losing love, losing my journey, losing my motivation, and ultimately, myself.

I earned a couple of degrees, and I have always had a job (mostly jobs I loved) but have always struggled with having the opportunity not to live pretty much paycheck to paycheck.

I have had several jobs simultaneously and sacrificed time with my kids to try to get ahead. Divorce didn’t help to see that the little stability I had, would end a few months before and years after.

You can probably guess why — no significant help from the other.

That didn’t stop me. I started an online side hustle that helped here and there. Still trading time for money took a toll.

I continued to do my best and loved it though it was not easy.

First Loss

After a 6-year separation from him, he said he had learned that leaving his family was not what he wanted. After a year of seeing how serious he was, we reunited (still married). Three months later, we became pregnant. We already had a 9-year-old at the time.

That was not what he wanted, so he left. I filed for divorce, felt my feelings, and went through the pregnancy alone and at high risk.

Was on bed rest when I was 6 months pregnant and eventually struggled financially after that.

Just 6 weeks after our son was born, the divorce was final and I was determined to move on. That fatherhood door was left open.




Black woman | Mom by choice | Writer since 8 | Sarcasm Queen | My pub - | My podcast, Black Girl, That Girl - On Spotify